Friday, October 5, 2007

My wish

*If you could have one wish, what would it be?*


My first thought was “that’s impossible!” to pick one wish. After a while I thought of one, “I wish that I could be reborn again with all the information and knowledge I know now.”

Sure we all have the desire to wish ‘to fly’ or ‘be rich’; all of these were brought to my mind as well.

But if I could relive my life again with the same knowledge I know now, I think that would be amazing...don’t you? Sure not only in school would it be amazing, but for me I would be able to cherish the things in life to the fullest. Maybe my life would be different now if I had done things differently. How different it would be, I don’t know. But the changes would be amazing.

It’s the thought that counts too right? Even though I know it is impossible, should I even wish for this? The things I would change would be to cherish my father more, and my family. Spend more time with them, and make a closer connection with them. I feel now that we are separated from each other, and I know they don’t know the real me. They don’t know the real me, because I hide it from them. I know I shouldn’t but it’s a reaction I have from them now. Insecurity? Maybe I’m afraid to disappoint them. I really don’t know.

I would make myself not let shyness and awkwardness rule my life as a child. I’ve learned life is too short to worry about mistakes. I say this, yet I am still letting it rule me...day in and day out. Maybe this is just part of our human genetics, or I am still that child I was years ago, waiting for that nod of approval.

However, I wouldn’t change some experiences in my life. The happy experiences or sad ones. I wouldn’t change how my father died at such a young age. I wasn’t even born before his accident that caused him to become sick...so there isn’t anything I could do for that. I believe that experience was a life marker for who I am now.

*What do you wish for?*

I know what I really want, I want to be myself. No! I want to know who I am. I don’t think I a truly understand who I am. Maybe I am just a robotic clone who changes to adapt to different people it is around.

You know what? This is just making my more confused. It’s making my brain think in circles. I’m contradicting myself. What do I want? Who am I really? These are impossible questions. 

My wish...

*What is the true meaning of life?*

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